Let go
by Megan-The-Tall
Summary: Clare is the rebel with the dark past and Eli is the complete opposite. Can he help her to a brighter future or will fate get in the way?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So this is my first ever time really writing something Im probably going to finish. Sorry if this sucks! This is going to be my first time trying to write something dark too. So you have been warned (this is going to be dark!) **

**Disclaimer: I own a cat… But not Degrassi **

_*Flash- forward* _

The nurse walked into the room with the thick, yellow folder that held my test results within its slightly wrinkled covers. She walked over and sat on the little stool just across the room and started to flip through the papers. My nerves were shot, and my eyes burned because of the many tears that had been shed in the past few hours. I watched her closely, examining her facial expressions deeply. After about two long minutes of frivolous reading, she closed the folder and looked up at me with sorrowful eyes. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, and thoughts of worry and angst bounced around in my head. She opened her soft, faded pink lips and began to speak, but what she said made fresh tears sprout in my eyes, fall down my face, and softly pelt my oversized shirt. "Ms. Edwards, I'm extremely to have to be the "bear-of-bad-news", but you have caught the HIV virus. I think your best option…" She started to go on about some kind of dialysis treatment or something, but I suddenly lost all ability to hear, and I felt as if I had just been stabbed in the stomach. My surroundings began to spin, and my vision slowly began to haze. Seconds later, I was consumed by black.

_*Present*_

I walked down the empty street, searching like a hawk for Bianca. She was beyond drunk; she was absolutely shit-faced. The last time I saw her wasted like this, she was lying in a back ally, completely oblivious to the fact that she had been jumped by a group of stuck-up rich girls who knew they could get away with whatever they wanted. I don't think she even knew she was missing four of her teeth until I pointed it out the next morning.

I broke out into a jog, becoming more panicked to find her. Something caught my attention in the corner of my eye, and I could hear someone laughing hysterically. Yup, I think I found her. I turned and sprinted towards the laughter and sure enough, there she was in her neighbor's back yard playing with their cat. I cursed under my breath as I made my way over to her. Why she terrorized animals when she's drunk I will never understand. She grabbed the cat from under its arms and tried to stand, only to fail and topple over into a puddle of mud next to their little pond. Oh, Bianca.

I grabbed the cat from her death grip, looking it over quickly to make sure no damage was done to it, and turned my attention to Bianca again. Somehow she managed to stumble to her feet and was now standing centimeters from my face. I gagged, smelling the thick stench of vodka and cheap beer that masked her breath. Don't get me wrong, I get tipsy and sometimes a little drunk on occasion, but never as much as Bianca.

"My dad's going to- hehehe- piss- hehe- himself".

She began to topple over from her harsh laughter, but luckily I was able to catch her before she fell again and caused further damage to herself. I sighed and began to drag her sloppy self next door to her house and decided to just ignore her previous statement, knowing it's just her alchahol talking.

As soon as we got to the door, I didn't even have a chance to knock because almost immediately a tall, brown haired man opened the door. I gulped hard, but kept my mouth shut, because the way his grew angry and cold the moment he saw Bianca scared the living hell out of me.

"Hey Daddy I was just-"

Bianca was cut off when the man reached out, grabbed her by the arm in a forceful grip, and snatched her inside. As soon as she regained whatever composure she had left, the man turned and muttered a thank you before slamming the door in my face. I slowly turned around, mouthing an "ok" to myself under my breath before starting back down the street towards the soccer field.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to be a nationally ranked soccer player. The only thing holding me back from playing was the fact that I haven't been the most well behaved person in the past, and the coach thought I would be a nuisance to the team. Ass face. I live in a small town in Canada, just outside of Toronto, so it only takes about twenty minutes to get from wherever you are to wherever you're going. For some reason, the soccer field, the game, they always take my mind off everything. I guess you could call it my "escape". My face lit up like a light bulb the second the field came into view.

Now the only thing separating me from bliss was an old chain link fence. As soon as I reached it, I spider man'd it and quickly climbed over. The moment my feet hit the freshly cut grass, I felt a surge of energy rush through my body. I looked around silently, checking to make sure the coast was clear, because if I got caught, I would have to deal with a "no trespassing" violation. As soon as I made sure nobody was around, I made my way across the field to a slightly deflated ball and balanced it on my foot before kicking it into the air and forcing it into the opposite goal. Even when I'm slightly tipsy I still kick ass.

I did this over and over again for around an hour, building up a nice sweat before I decided to let my body have a break. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, looking at the bright blue numbers that clearly read 8:45. I immediately thought of the beating I was going to get when I arrived home for being out this late… or early? My head snapped up when I suddenly hear a deep voice coming from the locker rooms. I sprinted as quick as I could over to the fence, and I was over it and going down the street within a mere 10 seconds. That's a new record for me. I guess it's time to start the walk to the last place I want to be right now. There was no avoiding this anymore. It always felt like I was walking the green mile when I made these journeys home, because in all honesty, I didn't know if I would ever make another one like them again once I got there.

I began to quicken my pace to almost a jog, because maybe if I got there before 9:00 they wouldn't come down on me as hard as they did last time. My house is only a couple blocks from the field so I can probably make it there before nine. I didn't want to think about what was going to happen when I got home, but I couldn't stop myself.

The scrapes and bruises across my back began to tingle, and my legs were growing weak. An all too familiar feeling began to fester in my abdomen and started creeping up my throat. I swallowed hard, not wanting to vomit in the middle of the road. I tried once more to avert my mind to a lighter subject, to no avail.

I looked up at my house. We live in a wealthy part of town, so the structure is huge. My eyes drifted down to see my mom's car parked in the drive way. I made my way across the plush grass in my front yard and opened the large door. Immediately I made my way to the kitchen, knowing she would be waiting for me there. If I ignored her, that would make matters much worse.

She must have felt my presence when I entered the room, because she didn't even look up when she placed the belt on the counter, signaling me on what was about to happen. She looked up, anger clouding her hazel eyes. I swear I could see fire in them. With no warning at all, she swiftly grabbed a vase with flowers and threw it at me. She almost hit me in the side of the head, but luckily she only hit my shoulder. The vase fell and showered the floor and my feet with shards of glass. She got up and grabbed the belt off the counter, making her way over to me and lifting me shirt up to reveal my already beaten back. I closed my eyes, waiting for the first lash. Seconds later, I felt the metal studs connect with my skin. I bit my lip hard, enough to draw blood and clenched my fists into tight balls, feeling my nails dig into my flesh. If I screamed for the neighbors to hear, it would only make her more enraged. Soon I felt the second lash, third, and so on. After about ten of those, she stopped suddenly. She always stopped when she drew blood or broke skin.

I didn't know which one stopped her, but I would find out very soon. I could hear her husky breaths against my neck as she regained her ability to speak.

"Go to your room, and don't some out until I say so. Got it?"

I nodded quickly, and she grabbed the back of my head and practically dragged me up the stairs and into my room.

She gave me a quick look of disgust before turning and slamming the door shut, locking it from the outside. As soon as I heard her footsteps fade away, I made my way to the mirror to look at my back. When I peeled my shirt off, I could just smell the blood. I turned around and peered over my shoulder, realizing she broke the skin this time. My lower back was extremely tender, but I had to stop the bleeding.

I made my way to the bathroom and wet a rag with hot water. I rang it out so it would drip everywhere, and pressed it to my back. The sudden contact made me hiss in pain. As I made my way back into my room, I started to feel light headed and dizzy. It was getting harder and harder to stand, so I made my way to my bed and laid down on my belly after I carefully placed the rag on my back to be sure it wouldn't slide off. My eyes slowly drifted shut, and I slowly drifted into a slumber. I'm not complaining though, sleep always numbs the pain.

**So… Yeah. Don't really know how that turned out. If you guys think this wasn't a total waste of time on my behalf then reviews for chapter 2? Yes? No? Review! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok guys. Here's chapter 2 of **_**Let go.**_** I had a little bit of a hard time writing this chapter so I'm sorry if it seems a little boring, or if it's under-detailed or short. I'm going to try to start updating maybe every 3-5 days if the reviews continue to go well and stuff. So far they have been great, so thank you! I didn't expect to get any for my first story here. Next time I update, my writing will probably improve form this chapter. This was kind of just a fluff for next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own a bunch of converse… But not Degrassi. **

My heart was racing. Tears were falling from my eyes rapidly, and my head was pounding. I hated having these dreams. I couldn't _stand _them. They were always the same.

I would be fighting with my sister Darcy, screaming at her over something I could never remember after I woke up. She would run out of the house, but when I go to follow her, she's nowhere in sight. Then I run into the house, searching for her frantically, trying to find her. Every time I get to her door, it's open. Every time, I walk in. And every time, I see my sister, covered in blood and lying on the floor lifeless.

Then I wake up.

I cry because it's my fault she's gone. I'm so angry with myself for not being there to stop her. I'm furious that those people treated her so badly. I hate myself for being one of those people. After she was raped, I got so jealous because she gained all the attention from everyone. They began treating her like a princess, and it heated me to the core. If her stomach growled, my mother would immediately make her a sandwich. But what I hated the most was that they never hit her like they hit me. I took my anger out on her by doing anything from shredding her homework when she slept, to letting the dog pee on her blankets a couple hours before she went to bed and not telling her.

I looked over at my clock, realizing it was still about an hour before I had to wake up for school. After my mom locked me in my room, the rest of my weekend was pretty much spent with me sleeping and eating the box of cheerios I hid under my bed for when my mother was angry like this. My back was still killing me, but it didn't hurt nearly as bad as it did yesterday.

I slowly rolled over onto my side and grabbed the pair of scissors from my night stand drawer. I could feel an anxiety attack coming on from my extremely stressful dream, but my medication was down stairs. The towel I had been using Saturday to help my back stop bleeding was still lying on the floor next to my bed, so I carefully picked it up, trying not to move around too much. I didn't want to wake up my mom and make her suspicious. As soon as I had in in my hands, I laid it across my lap, being sure to cover my light blue bed sheets.

I opened the pair of scissors and held one blade in my hand while I pressed the other to my ankle. The anxiety was starting to overpower me and my chest felt like it was going to explode. My breaths came in short gasps, trying with all my might to relieve the horrible pressure in my chest as my body slowly suffocated itself. I closed my eyes and pressed the cold blade I wasn't holding to my ankle, and applied pressure until I could feel blood begin to seep down my foot. The moment the blood hit the rag, I dragged it to the back of my heel, creating one big cut across the side of my foot, making sure I didn't penetrate deeper than I needed to.

My nerves began to calm, and I was able to regain the ability to breath at a steady pace. I felt tears prick in the corners of my eyes, so I opened them and let them roll down my cheeks.

I looked down at my newest wound, and pressed the rag to it before hobbling off my bed into the bathroom. Because cutting was such a regular thing for me, I had gauze in my drawer to wrap it up. As I was unraveling the roll of gauze, I swore I could hear my bedroom window open, but brushed it off figuring it was just paranoia. Then I heard a thump. This time I knew for a fact that I wasn't just hearing things. My heart rate shot through the roof as I thought of all the scenarios that could happen to me. I need to remind myself to stop watching all those gore/horror movies.

The bathroom door was open, but my room was still dark. I peered up through my bangs, and saw a figure stumbling around my room.

"Clare…? Clare!"

I immediately relaxed hearing Bianca's raspy voice try to whisper my name. How she even had a voice after the drinking she did this weekend I don't understand.

I didn't want to answer to her though. If she saw me with a roll of gauze and a bloody ankle (which was now burning like hell), she would for sure lecture me about hurting myself and breaking my vow not to do it again, and I didn't need that right now.

Suddenly a harsh sigh coming from the other side of the room snapped me out of my thoughts, and I looked up to see Bianca's dark silhouette moving back over to the window and jumping out of it into the tree like a pro. Thank God I didn't bother turning on the bathroom light when I came in here, or else I would have been doomed to a huge Dr. Phil lecture from her if she saw me.

As soon as I heard my window close, I moved over and closed the bathroom door and locked it before turning the light on to see better.

I quickly wrapped the wound, and wobbled out and back over to the nightstand next to the bed to check the time. I was so close to skipping today and just going to the Dot, but I had to go because I had a huge test in English.

As I thought about the test, my thoughts drifted to the boy who sits in front of me in that class. His name is Elijah Goldsworthy, and he is the most charming boy probably at Degrassi. He's got dark, raven colored hair, tan skin, and eyes greener than the grass of my front yard. I guess you could sum him up with anything under the context of immensely attractive.

He would never go for me though. He's a religious church boy, and I am far from holy. I am nowhere near it. Sometimes I lie to myself and say that I have some kind of chance, but in reality, I know it's not true in the least.

XXXXXXX

I made my way up the steps of Degrassi, puffing out a long sigh before making my way into the main hall. This school made me sick. I didn't bother going by my locker, knowing I didn't even care enough today to try and make a good grade in any of my classes.

I looked around, trying to find Bianca, but she wasn't in sight. I moved over to the empty bench in front of the window and pulled out my phone.

_Bianca! Where the hell are you! I'm on the bench in the main hall. Haul some ass. Now!_

_Clare_

I waited for her text back, impatiently tapping my foot and trying to find her big, black poufy hair. Nothing. As my eyes traveled the room, a dark haired boy caught my eye. I zeroed in on him like a target, watching him talk with some buddies. Just his appearance made me believe there could be some kind of God up there, who had blessed the world with the presence of this gorgeous guy. If I didn't keep my jaw clenched, I think I might have drooled and humiliated myself in the middle of the huge crowd of people.

The bell rang, and everyone quickly dispersed, heading to their first class for the day. I was so glad I had English first, so that I could admire Eli for a whole nother hour, and beyond pissed off that Bianca didn't show.

XXXXXXX

I was the last to get to class, of course, so when I walked in, everyone immediately knew who it was. Most of these people I didn't even know, so I just glared daggers until they turned back to their notebooks.

"Ms. Edwards, welcome back. Would you mind taking a seat so the rest of the class can focus on their education?"

Now everyone's eyes were glued to me, so I just scoffed and slid into my desk. As soon as my butt planted in the seat, I inhaled and let out a deep breath before opening my notebook to doodle and look productive.

Mrs. Dawes began to pass around the tests, and I was so consumed with making my little snow man's hat that I had been drawing perfect, that I didn't even notice Eli trying to hand me my test.

Out of nowhere, I felt a warm hand cover the one I was using to doodle, and I looked up to see Eli chuckling at my surprise. He handed me my test paper, and I felt like I was going to melt. He smelled like Axe body spray, and now that I could see him close up, I noticed his hair was extra nice today. I couldn't help but stare.

He chuckled again before muttering a good luck, and turning back around in his seat. I don't think any other boy has the ability to reduce me to pudding like that with simply a small touch like that. I stared at the paper and read the first question, but couldn't get my mind to focus. I mean, how could I now? All hopes of my passing this test just went down the drain, because the only thing that was going to be on my mind for the next hour was _him._

**That was a weak ending, but like I said this is just a fluff chapter for chapter 3. Reviews are very much appreciated and needed to continue this story so click that review button! (Pretty please!) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I come to you with chapter 3 of **_**Let go!**_** One quick thing I want to say before you read though, I want to thank you all for giving this story a chance and reading through to this chapter, but I need reviews to see what you all think! Even though I didn't really get any from chapter 2, I still got like 50 something hits and 2 subscriptions! I think that's worth a chapter, because obviously someone is going to read it. And my best friend wanted me to try one more time before I quit. So pleaseee reviewwww.**

**Oh! And I've decided to make this story in alternating POV's so this one is going to be through Eli's eyes. Enjoy loves!**

**Disclaimer: I own a collection of shoelaces… but not Degrassi. **

Clare looked absolutely breath-taking today. Her dark, cinnamon curls lazily rested on her shoulders, and her deep blue eyes seemed to have a lighter sparkle to them. She was beautiful to say the least, even in these awful Degrassi uniforms.

Clare was always in my head. She was mischievous, alluring, and even though she seemed like she didn't have a care in the world, I always thought there was something more about her. Something she wasn't telling people. She was the complete opposite of me.

I glanced over at her again, praying she wouldn't suddenly look up and make eye contact like you see in those corny teen love flicks, and my eyes were glued. Even though she looked frustrated and un-happy, which made me just as un-happy, she still looked astonishing.

I wanted desperately to know what was on her mind. I would have given anything right at that moment to be able to talk to her about what was troubling her, but that would make me seem desperate, thus ruining every chance I ever have with having a normal conversation with her in the future.

She looked up, peering around the crowd, obviously looking for someone. As her gaze came closer to me, I averted my eyes back to the person who was talking to me about youth group this Wednesday so I didn't look like a total stalker.

I could feel her gaze land on me. The thing that surprised me, though, was that it lingered there and not just moving past me. My palms began to sweat heavily, and I almost dropped my books from how slippery and shaky my hands had become; this girl could turn me into putty just by a glance.

It felt like she stared for hours, and I wondered what was so interesting about my appearance. I couldn't even fathom the fact that _Clare Edwards _was so interested in me.

Thoughts of self-consciousness began to filter around in my brain and I began to have a panic attack. Moments later, it was as if my wishes had been grated because the bell rang and I could sit within two feet of Clare for a whole nother hour without looking like a creep or becoming panicked. We had a huge English test today, but I severely doubt I would be able to focus.

XXXXXXX

I was the first person to get to class, like always, so I opened my text book to look like I was doing something other than sitting there awkwardly. Every few seconds my eyes would veer up to the door before I could control them. Every time I looked, my heart sunk a little further to my feet because none of the people who had walked in were Clare.

Sometimes the best part of my day would be hearing her little giggles from behind me, or even having the excuse to turn around and see her beautiful face when I passed back her papers.

The bell rang and my heart dropped to the floor. Mrs. Dawes walked to the front of the classroom and began to speak.

"Good morning everyone. As you all know, you are having a very important test today, which I'm guessing all of you studied for?"

The whole class except for me groaned, and I smirked in my head, knowing I was probably going to be the only person to pass this test today, seeing as how I guess I wouldn't be so distracted anymore now that Clare was a no-show.

I closed my book, and shifted in my seat to place it in my back-pack. Just as I was turning back around, the door opened, and I immediately felt my heart begin to thump hard against my chest. My palms began to sweat again, and I could feel a small flutter in my stomach. It was none other than the Clare Edwards.

Mrs. Dawes looked up and a disappointed expression overcame her face.

"Ms. Edwards, welcome back. Would you mind taking a seat so the rest of the class can focus on their education?"

I could hear Clare scoff lightly as she slid into her seat just behind me. Even her bad attitude maked my head spin.

When she walked past me, my eyes almost rolled to the back of my head because her scent was so… intoxicating. She smelled of kiwi and strawberry, and it made me want to turn around and take it all in. Wow. That's totally not creeper status.

Mrs. Dawes began to pass the tests around and Clare was so consumed with what she was doing that she didn't even notice me passing back her copy. I turned around and peered at what she was doing. I guess she a doodle perfectionist, because she was so consumed in the snow man's hat she didn't hear me whisper her name.

Since she wasn't responding to my methods of getting through to her verbally, I reached over and placed my hand over her smaller one that she was using to draw.

She looked up, and a small blush creeped up across her cheeks. This made me blush because I could make her blush.

She grabbed her test and smiled slightly, and I muttered some words for luck before turning back around and beginning my test. I read the first question, only to get to the multiple choice answers and realize I was so distracted by my thoughts of Clare that I hadn't even paid attention. This was going to be a long, long hour.

XXXXXXX

After the period was over, Mrs. Dawes graded our tests and told us we could feel free to pick them up during lunch or study hall. Usually I would take her up on the offer, so that I could go over what I missed in preparation for the end-of-the-year tests, but today, I just didn't feel like it.

I was currently walking down the street towards my house, thinking over the day and figuring in my head how much time I would be able to spend with Adam after school.

He is probably my only friend that I know outside of church, and surprisingly, he's also my closest.

As I walked up the steps to my house, I looked at the soccer ball next to the door and picked it up, immediately feeling my mood lighten. Nobody other than him and my parents know I'm soccer junky, and this year I finally went out for the school team. The coach was posting who made it next Monday, and I couldn't be more nervous.

I opened the door and was welcomed by the smell of fresh bread and spaghetti. My mouth began to water, and my stomach growled like a beast.

"Hi baby boy, hungry?" my mother asked in her usual cheery voice.

"Nah, I'm going to meet Adam at the dot in about half an hour, thanks though".

I casually walked up the stairs and into my room. Unlike most teenage guys my age, I am not a slob, so my room pretty much stays clean all the time.

I made my way over to my bed and flopped down on my back. My remote was all the way across the room, and honestly, my laziness was too overpowering for me to put in the effort to get up and get it, so I just laid there until I heard the front door open.

Adam's voice filled the hallway as he made his way to my room, and I sighed mentally in my head, knowing very well he was going to scold at me for holding him up or complain or something. Patience was definitely not one of his virtues.

I heard a hard knock on the door and in he walked, hands stuffed in his pockets and a stern look on his face. I just wanted to close my eyes and avert myself away from his gaze.

"Dude, let's go I'm starving." He was always "starving" and he never stopped eating. The weird thing about him though is that he never gains weight.

I rolled off my bed and pushed his head playfully before making my way down stairs and grabbing the keys to my truck. My dad bought it for me on my 16th birthday, and he refers to it as "The Monster" because it's actually pretty big, and surprisingly, I don't really mind.

I called out to my mom and told her I was going and made my way out. Adam mumbled something about hurrying up or something, but I just shrugged it off. He is the most impatient person I have ever met in my 17 years of life. It's a good thing that The Dot is only about 15 minutes away from my house, because he was really starting to get on my nerves and I was so close to just packing him some spaghetti for the "long" ride there.

XXXXXXX

When we got to The Dot, me and Adam took our usual spot in the back and waited for the waiter to come and take our orders. I guess Mr. Starvation noticed something was on my mind because he suddenly broke the silence with an interrogation.

"Eli, what's up, you've barely said anything this entire time. Spit it out, there is a knot in that brain and it is time for it to un-cluster."

I looked at him and tried my hardest to glare at him, but the look he was giving me just made me bow my head and laugh. I shook my head and decided it was best to just tell him since he would probably guess it or figure it out anyways. Little sneek.

"You know that Clare girl, right?"

"Yeah, she's always on the intercom being called up to the office. Haha"

I chuckled, realizing how true that was and continued what I stared to say.

"Well, I might…Kinda…Maybe…Sorta HaveASmallTinyCrushOnHer" I spit the words so fast I could barely even understand myself, but surprisingly Adam caught on just fine and his eyes grew wider than the empty space between Mark Fitzgerald's ears.

"Dude! No way! How long?"

"A couple months or so I guess. I just don't understand it. She is nothing like me. The complete opposite, actually. There's just something about her… I don't know…"

Adam listened to me closely and thought about what to say next.

"Well, are you gonna ask her out?"

"Well… Uh… I don't know. I don't think she would go for a bible-thumping-church-boy like me."

"Eli… You haven't had feelings for a girl since Julia cheated on you with Fitz. This is huge. Talk to her. Work your way to friend status, then go on from there."

Even the thought of Clare rejecting me made me cringe. I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind and focused back on the conversation I was currently having, but before I could respond, Peter came to take our orders.

Adam got a huge burger, fries, and a shake. I wasn't that hungry anymore, so I just ordered some tater-tots. I pretty much knew I had gotten about as much advice out of the bottomless pit sitting across from me that I was going to get, considering he was too distracted inhaling everything in front of him, so I just ate in silence for the rest of the duration of the meal.

I was still really focused on what he said though… and I knew it was true. There was just a part of me that was just… scared. I didn't want to get hurt again, because it was really hard for me to cope after Julia left me for that bone headed Neanderthal. I want Clare, bad, but I just don't know if I'm ready yet.

**So… Yeah. I figured it was… okay. But seriously, Reviews pleaseee, even if you tell me it sucks and I totally wasted an hour of my life on this, I really just need to know what you guys think. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok guys, first off I would like to say I'm sorry for not updating as much as I would have liked to in the past week or so. I have been in a bit of trouble lately. Ha. *scratches back of neck* ANYWAYS, secondly I want to thank those of you who favorite, subscribe, etc. It really means SO much to me. I know last chapter was kind of… cute? I dunno. P.M. me or leave reviews if you would like me to do more cutesy stuff during the story, I might just try making it a bit romantic too? Yes? No? Ha. Well, here's chapter 4 of **_**Let go. **_**Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: Checking… Nope, still don't own Degrassi.**

**Clare's POV:**

It's been a little over a week since I've seen Bianca. I'm starting to get a little worried. She skips school all the time, but not _this _much. She hasn't texted me, called, messaged me or even tried to make any contact with me of any kind. Honestly, I'm starting to get a little fed up.

She probably just got into some trouble for stupid shit and got set under restriction. Even then she would sneak her phone away to tell me she was fine and that there was nothing for me to worry about.

My thoughts began to race and I started thinking of the things that could be wrong with her. Did she get too drunk and go into another alcohol induced coma? No, her mother would call and tell me if she did. Was Vince back? Was he hurting her? Oh god.

I got up and sprinted to the bathroom as fast as my legs would carry me. I fell to my knees and slammed the toilet lid open, emptying my stomach of all its contents immediately. Since there wasn't much in my stomach to begin with, it only technically threw up for about 30 seconds before I starting dry-heaving. It hurt so bad. This on top of the small infection in my wrists, and the now extremely excruciating head ache, I felt like I was going to pass out.

After about another minute and a half of dry heaving, I was able to regain my ability to breathe clearly and toppled over next to the toilet. I just lied there, staring at the ceiling, thinking about if I should go to see if Bianca was ok. It was only about 7:30 in the morning, and I hadn't slept very much at all the entire week.

Apparently, my body was more sleep deprived than I thought, because I became dizzy, and I had absolutely no energy left of was I previously felt. For about 5 minutes, I debated (in my state of half consciousness) whether to actually get up and move back to my bed or just sleep on the floor. It was pretty comfortable, and I could definitely see myself taking a long nap here.

I leaned up and grabbed a towel off the rack and bunched it up underneath my head. As I laid there, the mat underneath me became warm with my body heat, and my eyelids were growing heavier and heavier as the seconds went by.

Finally, after about 3 minutes of lying there and staring at the beige wall in front of me, I allowed my eyes to close, and the amazing feeling of sleep welcomed my body again.

XXXXXXX

I woke up by myself at around 5:30, still in the same position on the bathroom floor I was in when I fell asleep. To be quite blunt, it was probably the best sleep I have had in over a year.

I rose to my knees and almost threw up again when I smelled the stench of the vomit I had neglected to flush hours before. How could I forget to do something so basic? Had I even brushed my teeth? The taste in my mouth was telling me "No, dumbass, you didn't". This is probably the most disgusting thing I have ever done.

I got up and flushed the toilet quickly before making my way to the sink and lathering my tooth brush with a thick layer of my minty flavored tooth paste.

I brushed for a good five minutes, finally feeling like I had gotten all the nasty ass germs out of my mouth. My gums were bleeding from all the vigorous brushing I had done. Oh well, I would rather have bleeding gums than rotten ones.

I took a quick shower, washing my hair three times to make sure there was no vomit or tooth paste residue left in my tangled curls before I finally left the bathroom and got dressed in something decent.

I had to go see Bianca. By now it was eating my alive. It was probably just restriction, but I couldn't help but think something was wrong. _What if she was sick? How sick could she really be?_ Stop it Clare! You're going to get yourself worked up again! Damn me and my excessively worried thoughts.

I practically ran down the stairs and almost tripped over a couple steps before I had to stop myself from colliding into my mother.

"Clare, why are you in such a rush?" she asked me with a pointed look.

I swallowed and looked down from her gaze. It felt like she was burning holes in my skin.

"I-I was j-just going to see B-Bianca." I managed to stutter. I felt pathetic. She was the only other woman in the world that could make me want to piss myself without even trying.

"Oh, well, I am not going to drive you if that's why you're stuttering."

"N-No, it's fine, I need to get some exercise anyways." The clarity of my words surprising me.

My mother looked me up and down for a moment and nodded her head in agreement. At that moment, I wanted to punch her in the face so hard he teeth would fly out her ass like bullets. Sadly, unless I want to be 6 feet under a bunch of dirt in a box, I had to restrain myself.

I swiftly swooped around her and walked out the door, immediately feeling free from her restraints in the house. Other than throwing up my guts and being silently criticized by my mother, today was actually turning out to be a pretty good day. Here's hoping Bianca doesn't tell me something to screw it up.

Still feeling my natural high from my great mood, I decided to run to her house. I haven't in a while, and now seemed like the perfect time. The sun was bright, the air was sweet, and I was completely energized. Besides, she only lives a few blocks away, so why not?

As I ran, I began to feel even better than before I started. My body was practically carrying itself. It was so effortless, and I honestly felt like I could have just jumped and blown with the wind straight to my destination at any moment. I wasn't even getting sweaty, thanks to the wonderful breeze.

XXXXXXX

As soon as I got to Bianca's house, I noticed all of her cars where in the drive way. Usually he dad is gone to work by this time, and her mother is pretty much always out running errands or something, so I became a little nervous. I didn't want to be interrupting anything, but I had to find out what was going on with her.

I made my way up the steps, and as soon as my finger pushed the doorbell, I immediately regretted it. No one answered the door, so I raised my finger to ring it again but I was beat to it when someone opened the door. It was none other than Bianca.

She was pale, extremely pale, and she was so skinny I could have slung her over my shoulder. She had multiple hospital bands around her left arm, and her eyes were blood shot. I looked her up and down a few more times before I looked her in the eyes again. The look of worry and panic that clouded them made me want to break down and cry. I have never seen her like this.

"Be? A-are you ok?" I was choking on my words and my throat had that terrible burning sensation you get when you're about to sob. But no matter how much I wanted to right now, I couldn't.

She just stood there, completely silent for about a minute before she moved away from the door nodding me in.

When I entered the house, I immediately saw her mother coming from the kitchen, holding a bowl of what looked like some watery brown liquid.

"Clare, Hi, Bianca what are you doing up?" her mother's words were stern at the end, and I knew she was probably going to catch hell for answering the door.

She just nodded her head and led me to her room. Her mother watched us all the way up the stairs, and before Bianca turned to go down the hallway, she looked back at her mother, the look on her face seemed like she was silently asking for permission. Permission for what?

Her mother gave her a stiff nod, and turned back to the kitchen. Bianca moved around me and made her way down the hall slowly. I was so confused right now. They were acting like they had some huge secret they were protecting from me, from the world. If there was I sure as hell wasn't leaving until I knew what it was.

Bianca finally made it to her door and opened it, leaning on the knob for support. _Why was she so weak? _ She seemed fine a week ago. As I watched her struggle to stand, I immediately felt guilty for coming over here and bothering her at such a bad time. Why couldn't I have waited just a couple more days until she got over this?

I moved to her side and hoisted her up in my arm so she wouldn't fall, and slowly but surely, we made it over to her bed, where she immediately collapsed and gasped for breath.

After she regained her composure, she say back up, eyes still closed, and tilted her head down. I looked almost as if she was praying. What could she be praying for? Bianca is not a religious person. I recall her telling me once that God was just a lie, made up so that kids wouldn't be scared to die when it was there time in life.

She opened her eyes and looked up at me, fear practically pouring from every crevice of her body. She looked so… vulnerable. What was she hiding that was causing her so much distress?

She opened her chapped lips and prepared herself to speak, but she could only stutter a few in-audible noises before running out of her room to the bathroom and slamming the door shut in my face. I banged and banged on the door, but no matter how hard I pounded she wouldn't open up.

Her dad must have heard the commotion, because he came racing down the hallway and busted the bathroom door open. My curiosity got the best of me and no matter how much I told myself not to, I looked into the small room. What I saw tore me to pieces.

Bianca was slouched over the toilet, blood pouring from her mouth, sobbing in between her vomiting. I collapsed to my knees, feeling the room spin. I took in what breath I could and raised my gaze from the floor when I heard her stop choking.

Her dad has holding her in his lap, smoothing her hair while she sobbed into his shoulder. That's when I finally let it happen. Right there in the middle of their hallway, I scrunched into a ball, and sobbed. It was unlike any other time I've cried this hard. Usually all the other times I would cry because I was mad. This time, I was crying because of the confusion, the hurt.

Bianca must have heard me, because she crawled over to me and held me in her skinny little arms until I stopped crying.

"It's going to be ok, shh." She whispered those soothing words in my ear until I stopped and was able to wipe the tears from my face.

As soon as I was done, I sat up to look her in the face, and she had the most serious expression on her face.

"Clare, w-we have to talk. Please." Her words were almost pleading, and I nodded quickly before helping her back up to her room. Her mother helped me get her into her bed, and kissed her in the temple before making her way back out of the room.

Whatever Bianca was about to tell me, I certainly didn't want to hear it. From what I had just seen, I knew it wasn't going to be good, but I needed to know, and I knew she needed to tell me.

**ALRIGHTY THEN. I'm pretty proud of this chapter coming out this good after writing it at 4:00 in the morning. Ha. P.M. me or tell me whatcha think in the reviews! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, I'm back! Yes, I know this chapter took forever. Yes, I know I said I would update every 3-5 days. This is going to sound totally stupid for an excuse, but in all honesty, I have been REALLY sick this week. With that being said, this chapter might suck, really bad, because I'm writing it with a killer head ache.**

**By the way thank you guys for the amazing reviews on the last chapter and extra love to those of you who favorite and subscribe. It really means the world to me. Now, on to chapter 5 of **_**Let go! **_

**Disclaimer: I own a panda pillow pet… But not Degrassi.**

**Clare's POV:**

Scared, that was the only thing that I could feel right now. My body was shaking, and tears were flowing freely down my face. I wasn't sobbing anymore, but for some reason, the salty drops just kept coming from my eyes. How I still had tears was a mystery to me. My head was splitting, and if I thought I was nervous before, that was nothing compared to how I felt now.

My eyes drifted up to Bianca. Her chest was heaving up and down, and she was still trying her hardest to catch her breath. I felt terrible, knowing there was nothing I could do to help her, so I just gave her time to regain her strength.

When she finally found a steady pace of breath, she sat up on her pillows slowly, patting the empty spot on the bed next to her beckoning me to come over and sit. I hesitantly obliged, and carefully crawled under the thick comforters next to her. I tried my hardest not to move the bed around too much, afraid I was going to hurt her in her fragile state.

After we both got comfortable, Bianca parted her lips, taking in a few long, deep breaths. I mentally prepared myself for what she was going to say. It was not going to be something I wanted to hear, but I could tell it was killing her not to tell me. She seemed so nervous, and I needed to give her the most support and comfort I could allow myself to give.

She looked over at me, searching my face for any emotion she could find. I gave her an encouraging look, and nodded my head, telling her silently that it was ok, and that she could go when she was ready.

She turned her head back away and began to spill her heart out to me.

"I was going to tell you last week. I snuck into your room, but it was so dark, and I couldn't find you. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before, I just couldn't find the way to say it."

I grabbed her hand, giving it a gently squeeze before she continued what she was saying.

"A couple months ago, I started getting really sick. I started to throw up small amounts of blood. Every time I would vomit, a little more blood would come up. I didn't tell my mom for a while, but she caught me one day when she came home early from work and I left the bathroom door open. She took me to the doctor, and he took a bunch a tests and stuff, and told me to come back in a couple days."

She choked down a sob, and wiped her face on her sleeve. I moved my arm around her shoulder, and she rested her head near the crook my neck.

"When we went back, I had lost a lot of weight, because I always felt too sick to eat. He told me that… I had liver failure. I'm so sorry Clare, I'm so sorry."

A wave of guilt crashed over my body. I could have stopped her from drinking so much. I could have made her take better care of herself. I could have done so many things to prevent this, but I didn't.

At this point she was gripping my shirt with all her strength. I wrapped my other arm around her side and hugged her while she sobbed into my neck. I felt so powerless. Usually I could get Bianca out of trouble, but I knew this was out of both our grips of control. I wanted to cry with her desperately, but I needed to be strong for her right now. That was the one thing I actually _could _do.

Thanks to me, one person was dead, and another was on the way.

XXXXXXX

After Bianca broke down, we watched _Wizards of Waverly Place _re-runs for about an hour. I absolutely hated that show, but I wasn't going to say anything, knowing it was one of her favorite shows. I never understood why. Bianca comes off as such a tough person, so tough she scares _me _every once in a while, but she can be so innocent at times.

She fell asleep about half way through the marathon, surprising me that she was able to stay conscious for that long. When her mother came in to check in on her, she told me I could leave when I pleased. Honestly, I had so much on my mind, so I decided to just go and let her rest. She needed it, badly, and I was going to let her have it.

I walked over to the T.V. and switched it off before moving back over to the bed and pulling the covers over Bianca's shoulder. She always looks so harmless when she sleeps. I glanced over her face a couple of times before straightening back up and switching off the bed side lamp.

"Good night, Be" I whispered, only loud enough for me to hear, and at that I made my way out of her room, shutting the door as quietly as possible, and quickly exited the house.

My headache was killing me at this point. I had so much hurt, so much confusion building up inside of me that I _needed_ to find a release. Obviously the only reasonable thing to so at this point was head to the soccer field.

XXXXXX

**Eli's POV**

As soon as I reached the soccer field, a huge goofy smile spread across my face. Coach sent out an E-Mail with who made the team a day early, and I was ecstatic to find my name on that list. Today we were having a meeting in the locker rooms to receive our jerseys and learn what positions we would play.

I grabbed a ball lying in the grass and threw it in the air, watching the way it spun. Goose bumps rose up my arms, and when it fell back into my hands, I couldn't control the shiver that ran down my spine. This was going to be a great season.

I heard a deep voice calling my name, and when I turned around, my spirits only lifted more when I saw Coach Tanner waving me over. He was surrounded by all the other guys, so all I could see was the top of his head.

I watched the others laugh about with each other. None of us had ever spoken a word to one another, but for some reason this game brought us all together. Strangers from yesterday were now talking like old friends. They were huge guys, seeing as how most of them played more than one sport, but to be honest, they were just teddy bears masked under a thick skin.

When I made my way over to the coach and the other guys, who all had hope written across their faces like ink, he held up a big red jersey. The moment I laid eyes on it I knew I _had _to have it. The way it moved when the wind blew on it, the way it was so evenly stitched, everything about it made me want to just take it from coach's huge hands and run away.

"All of you showed impeccable skill during try-outs, but only one showed the agility and skill to be named captain of this team. He may not be the biggest guy on the team, but I'll be damned if he doesn't have the fastest feet here."

My heart skipped a beat. Like I said, the guys were huge, but I was so much smaller than them.

"That's why, Elijah Goldsworthy, I would like to present you with this jersey as captain of Degrassi's fourth generation soccer team."

My jaw dropped. Did he really just say that? I was snapped out of my thoughts when one of my other team mates gave me a firm shake on the shoulder. I smiled up at him before bouncing forward and practically ripping the big shirt out of the coach's hands.

This is it. I made it. I'm on the team.

**Clare's POV: **

When I made it to the soccer field, I saw a bunch of huge dudes all standing around a shorter man with a graying beard and a nearly bald head. I leaned against the fence, wishing I could be one of them for just a moment. I didn't know any of them, some I had never even seen, but they all looked so happy.

If I was one of them, I wouldn't have to worry about every move I make at home. I wouldn't have to worry about depression, or medication. I wouldn't have to worry about the loss of family, or the losing of friends. I would be able to walk freely without worry, and I would be able to play the best sport on the planet, and let every emotion out of my body into the ball. It would be bliss.

I drifted out of my thoughts when I heard cheering and clapping. My eyes darted around the crowd until they found the person all the commotion was being made over. They landed on… _Eli?_

He was holding up a jersey, I'm guessing they declared him as captain. I never suspected him as the athletic type. He was always so collected, so gentle. That's what I loved about him. He was unlike all the other boys I came across. I guess this is just another reason to love him.

I watched him for a few more seconds, laughing about with his new friends. I wanted to hug him, congratulate him so badly. Maybe try to make his day a little better, but I knew I couldn't, because to him, I was probably just another girl.

XXXXXXX

When I arrived home that night, I was sore, tired, and worn out emotionally. I had no idea if my dad was home, and I could care less where my mom was. I didn't need her stress on top of everything else.

"Clare. Honey, I made dinner. It's on the table if you would like to join me and your father."

Her words were soft, and _extremely _unexpected. She was almost…_comforting. _No, she has no reason to be. Even if she did know something was wrong she wouldn't care anyways.

"Bianca's mother called me. She let me know you and Bianca had a talk, and I just wanted to let you know… I'm here if you need me."

Her sentence was rushed at the end, and I couldn't help but feel a little better inside. I nodded my head, and told her that I just wasn't very hungry, before I ran up to my room.

As soon as I walked in, the smell of my own perfume and the sound of the clock ticking on the wall brought me immediate comfort. Probably more than my mother could ever bring me. I peeled off my cloths, tossing them lazily across the room. Right now, the best thing was not to cut, not to get drunk off my ass, but all I really needed was a long shower.

XXXXXXX

As soon as the water heated up, I stepped in, feeling it run down my back and wash off the day. It was unlike any shower I have ever taken. I cleared my head, just letting the feeling of the hot water relax my extremely tense muscles.

The room smelled like lilly, thanks to a candle Bea… _She_ bought me for Christmas. I closed my eyes, but almost fell and busted my head open when flash backs of the day startled me.

I reached down and turned off the water, because I really didn't need a trip to the hospital. All much as I wanted to stay in the shower all night, I had school tomorrow, and I couldn't miss.

As soon as the towel was wrapped securely around my body, I blew out the candle, making sure not to blow hard enough for the wax to shoot back into my face, and left the bathroom.

Steam poured out of the door like smoke, and when the cold air hit my warm skin, it was such a relieving feeling. It let me know I _could_ still feel, that I was still on Earth.

I got dressed as quickly as possible, not really caring what I threw on, and crawled underneath the blankets from the bottom of my bed to the top. My face took its well-known spot under the pillows, and I drifted off before I really had the chance to think about the day at all.

**Whoo! I really hope everyone enjoyed it. Again, sorry for the complete rush and suck of this chapter, I was sick as a dog writing it, but I needed to update. Until next time, I bid you a due. By the way, reviews are great! (:**


	6. Chapter 6

**IMPORTANT A/N: **

**Ok guys, first off, the problem I can't seem to avoid. Late updates. I know I promised every 3-5 days, but that doesn't seem to be working with my schedule. To try to fix this, I'm moving my update time to once a week. Sorry everyone :/**

**Secondly: I am thinking about working on a small story to kind give me something to update when I can't work on this one. It won't be nearly as long as this one will probably be, it's just something for you to read while you're waiting for me to update **_**Let go. **__**I am not abandoning this story!**_

**Lastly: As of now, I am taking ideas for stories you guys would like me to try to write. It can be an idea for a short story, or a longer one. The only thing I ask that you guys don't send me is ideas for smut, lemon, etc. I'm just not that skilled yet. Just leave the ideas in my P.M. and if I like it I will try it out. The name of the person who came up with said idea will be provided if they so choose. Basically this is so I can exercise my writing skills and try to become better.**

**Now, on to chapter 6 of **_**Let go!**_

**Disclaimer: I own a jolly rancher candle… but not Degrassi. **

**Clare's POV:**

I laid the journal across my lap, and smoothed my hand over the blank page in front of me. This week has been so stressful, between Bianca and the fighting with my parents, it's becoming too much for me to handle. Nothing seems to be helping anymore. The showers only let my mind drift around the problems even further. My wrists are so infected I might have to go onto antibiotics. The only thing that can help alleviate this pain is writing it out.

I closed my eyes, hoping to be able to gather my thoughts for a moment. My chest rose up and down slowly as I tried my hardest to control my heartbeat. Then remembered why I was here; with a book across my lap and a pen in my hand, shaking along with it, in the middle of the hallway when I should be in class.

I thought of the dream I had last night. They have been getting worse and worse every time they play their horrible scenes in my head. It may have something to do with all this anxiety, but they are getting extremely hard to handle.

The more my brain un-tangled my thoughts about it, the more everything came together in my mind. I opened my eyes, and pressed the pen to the paper, slowly writing my thoughts out carefully.

"You know those days when the thought of killing yourself pops into your brain more than once? Where you can just imagine yourself lying on the floor of your room, with an empty pill bottle in your hand? Or hanging from the shower curtain bar with belt around your neck? Something always stops you. There are always those two, tiny thoughts in the back of your head that keep you from doing it.

What about my family?

Strange, huh? Most of the time, your family is the reason why your even considering. They push you to your mental and physical limits. Why do you care if they would hurt or not? It's their fault anyways, right? They call you names; tell you that you will never amount to anything. They hit you, and tell you that you're worthless.

And you believe it.

But you always imagine your mother, lying in her bed with tears streaming out of her eyes. You know she cares about you in some way, but she just won't show it, and it kills you. Then you think about your father, and you don't know what to think. You want to say he would be sad, that it would break him, but you can't.

What will happen to me after death?

You think about this all the time. It scares you beyond belief. Does heaven really exist? Or is it just a made up lie? Is it complete blackness, is it blinding light? Nobody can tell you. They will put you in a tiny box, and bury you under six feet of dirt. This scares you because you know those boxes don't last forever. Eventually, they will rot, and the bugs and bacteria will begin eating away at your flesh. Or, you could be cremated. You're scared of this because you think you won't entirely die and you will be able to feel your skin boil up and your bones slowly burn away. Then you will be nothing but ash. You will be put in a jar, and forgotten on a shelf.

What if heaven does exist? You were scared over nothing. But then it clicks. If heaven exists, then hell does too. You think god will damn you, and you will be sent to the underworld to be tortured for the rest of eternity.

You put the medicine bottle down, and spit out the pills you already have in your mouth. You can't do it. Not today, at least. You aren't strong enough, for you are still weak. Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow, or next week, or next year, you will have the strength. But you know, somewhere inside you, there is courage.

Courage to die. "

I closed the book, tucking it away at the bottom of my bag, and rose to my feet. It was only first period, but I had to leave. Everything was becoming overwhelming, and I couldn't risk crying in public.

As I made my way down the hall, a group of people caught my eye; one of them being Eli. A smile crept across my face. They were all sitting in a big circle around the J.T. memorial, probably discussing church or something.

Just as I was about to look away and go back to minding my own business, he looked up, and met my gaze. He quickly flashed me a smile, before rising to his feet. My heart started to race. Was he going to talk to me? Right now? I stared hard at the floor, afraid he would look at me and be able to see what I was thinking.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder. My eyes rose up to meet his piercing green eyes. If it weren't for gravity, I might have floated off into space in a wave of love.

"Uh, hey, Clare right?" He asked.

"Uh… Uh, Y-yeah." I stuttered out. God, I sound so stupid! Get it together!

"Ha, well, I sit in front of you in English, and I noticed you haven't been around much this week. Is everything ok?" He asked, sounding almost as nervous as I was, but more collected.

"O-of course." I spit out, smiling at him a little before looking back down at the floor. It was as if everything had just been wiped from my mind completely by him in a matter of seconds.

"Oh, good. Um, I also wanted to ask you something." I lifted my gaze to his again, now more nervous than ever.

" I was wondering, if you would maybe want to go catch a movie or something with me this weekend. If you don't want to that's totally cool… I just… Uh…"

I had to stop myself from doing the happy dance right in front of him.

"I would love to, Eli." I said quietly.

He flashed me a smirk, and blushed a little before going on about when he would pick me up and swapping numbers.

My stomach felt like a live butterfly exhibit, and as I turned to walk away, I felt a warm hand wrap around my wrist, before being pulled back into a serious looking Eli.

"What. No goodbye hugs?"

I blushed ten shades of red before wrapping my arms around his shoulders. His arms snaked around my waist and I don't think I could have felt any safer.

Just as we both released each other, the bell rang, almost as if on qu. I turned on my heels and raced down the hall to exit the building. I had to get to Bianca.

**Fluff chapter? Yes. Next chapter will be much better, and a lot longer too! I just wanted to get the Eli/Clare storyline off the ground. Until next time my lovelies, reviews are amazing! (:**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! FIRST THINGS FIRST: I am SO sorry I haven't been on in forever to update my story, but my computer broke and I haven't had the balls to go onto my mom's computer and write out this chapter, but you're in luck because I finally grew a pair and did it! Now that I have done my explaining, thank you to those of you who left my the lovely reviews I was able to read on my kindle, you guys make my life *virtual air kisses* MUAH! Now, on to chapter 7 of **_**Let go.**_

***Also- if you are a fan of Teen Wolf and are super stoked for season 2 like me, go check out my one-shot **_**Gratitude**_*****

**Disclaimer: I own a 1,000,000 dollar bill… but not Degrassi…**

**Clare's POV:**

Saturday could not have come fast enough. It was finally the day me and Eli were going to go on our "date". So far this week has been going really good for me. Bianca is doing so much better; she's now on the transplant list, and the boy of my dreams is taking me somewhere tonight just me and him. I felt butterflies creep into my stomach and I had the sudden urge to dance.

"Clare! Can you come down here for a minute?"

The sound of my mother's voice shattered all of my happiness like glass. Somehow she always finds a way to ruin great moments.

"Just a minute!" I called down, hoping she wouldn't bust through the door and drag me down by my hair. She seems to be the only person giving me troubles lately, she is the epitome of my stress, and I really don't know how much longer I can last around her.

"Clare!" She shouted once again, this time with more frustration lacing her voice. Sometimes she reminded me of a mouse that just got done sucking the helium from a balloon.

I quickly finished applying the rest of my dark pink lip gloss to my bottom lip and pulled on my converse before rushing my way down the stairs, hoping I wouldn't break my neck on the way down. When I reached her in the kitchen, she didn't even look at me before she began to speak.

"Clare, I made you a chores list for the night. You are to have everything done by the time I wake up or there will be _very _severe consequences."

I could have sworn my heart stopped. Was she serious? Of all the nights she wanted to give me a huge list of messes to clean that weren't even mine, she had to pick this one? Tears prickled in the corner of my eyes, and the anger bubbling in my veins got the best of me.

"No. I have plans tonight. Clean your own damn messes, I'm not your servant and I am most certainly _not _your little bitch. Find someone else to clean it or get off your lazy ass and do it yourself."

I couldn't catch the words before they came out. My eyes quickly met hers and I don't think I have ever seen her angry; ever. She put down the mirror she was looking into and grabbed the metal spoon lying on the counter.

"What did you just say to me? You little whore you're going to get it now."

I backed up to the wall, paralyzed with my mouth hanging open and my eyes never leaving her hand. I watched her pull back and prepare to lay down the law all over my face, but suddenly a large hand stopped it.

"Helen, think of what you're doing. I want to beat her just as much as you do, but we don't need a visit from the police and she's already missed too much school."

My father's words of reasoning must have gotten through to her because she threw the spoon across the room and stormed out, cursing and spitting insults left and right.

"You, get your ass upstairs before I let your mother have you."

I didn't need to be told twice. My brain must have made some connection with my feet instantly after he finished ordering me what to do because before I knew it I was sitting against the back of my door. All of my emotions came pouring out. I grabbed one of the small pillows off my bed and stabbed it repeatedly with the pair of scissors in my nightstand. As crazy as I must have looked, it was making me feel so much better.

After about ten minutes of stabbing and prodding, I collapsed in a messy heap in the middle of the room. Why did I feel like a cheap, real life rip off of Cinderella all of the sudden? I mean dear god, give me two, PMS ridden step sisters and I'm good to go.

My phone in my back pocket began to buzz. I pulled it out and immediately became even sadder reading the text from Eli.

_Hey Clare, super excited to see your beautiful face tonight. Are you ready for me to come pick you up? _

_Eli_

I quickly texted him back, telling him he had to cancel whatever he had planned. I brought my knees up to my chest, and stared at the wall in front of me. Why can't anything ever go good for me?

**Eli's POV:**

I opened the text from Clare and felt my mood immediately change. She seemed stoked to go on this date a couple days ago, and I really haven't talked to her since. I pulled at the ends of my hair and looked around the room. Confusion clustered my mind.

I sat on the end of my bed and called the Italian restaurant I was planning on taking her to in order to cancel my reservations. Half way through the process, it came to me. I'm going to see Clare tonight, even if it kills me. The rest of the conversation with the man on the phone was a blur, because the only thing on my mind was how I was going to pull off this plan perfectly.

**Clare's POV:**

As I searched through the cabinets in the kitchen for the glass cleaner, I heard a thump coming from upstairs, just above where I was standing. Panic rushed through my body, and I had no idea what to do. Getting my parents wasn't an option, because they had already gone to bed and I would get in far more trouble for waking them up than whoever was breaking in.

I grabbed one of the knives from the counter that I had just cleaned, and slowly began making my way up the stairs. Some of them creaked due to the age of this gigantic house, but not enough for anyone to hear.

As I reached the hallway, I looked down to see if the robber had turned on any lights when they realized nobody was in the rooms. Sure enough, one of them had been flicked on, and what room did they just so choose? Mine.

I began to creep down the hall, completely terrified of what was behind my door. Most often my room is the place I go for safety, for my own personal sanctuary. Everything in that room has a special meaning to me. I'll be damned if I'm going to let some pesky intruder take away what's mine.

Through my surge of energy, I busted through the door, ready to attack whoever was on the other side. I pounced on the boy in the middle of my room, knocking him to the floor and straddling him by the waist. My hand rose, and attack mode was fully operating. Just as I was about to let my hand crash into the other person, I realized who it was.

"Eli! What are you doing here?" I asked in a hushed whisper.

"You told me you couldn't hang tonight, so I figured if you couldn't go _out _with me, I would just bring the fun to you."

He smiled sheepishly and I rolled off him to sit next to him on the floor. He rose up and fixed his shirt, chuckling slightly as he looked over at me with his piercing green eyes.

"I guess we can hang, but you have to be quiet, and you have to help me finish my chores just for scaring the life out of me."

He chuckled and nodded, and I quickly grabbed his hand before I raised a finger to my mouth, signaling for him to keep quiet. He simply nodded his head and allowed me to lead the way to the kitchen.

**Eli's POV:**

Clare's house was huge. I knew she had money, but I didn't realize just how much she really had. That didn't matter though, her personality was all that really made me attracted to her. She didn't show off her materialistic things like some girls did.

Throughout the night, Clare and I learned a lot about each other. She managed to leave me speechless dozens of times, and I nearly fainted in the middle of the room when she told me she was a soccer fanatic, too.

Just as I was going to throw out some dirt from the dust pan, I heard a door open, and saw a large figure coming down the hall. I couldn't quite figure out who it was, but my gut was telling me it was her dad.

Out of nowhere, a small hand reached out and grabbed me by the collar of my hoodie, pulling me into the cramped pantry. Clare's body was pressed against mine, and I could feel her shallow breaths against my neck and chin.

"Clare, are you in here? I thought I heard someone else!" A deep voice shouted through the house. Something was telling me that this was definitely not her mother.

The tall man continued to look around for another minute or two, but finally got tired again and left to go back to bed. Clare grabbed my hand as soon as he settled into his bed and dragged me back up the stairs to her room.

"Eli, tonight was so fun, and I would love to see you again, and I'm really sorry this may sound rude but you have to go. I'll text you tomorrow if you want, or you can just text me, whichever you prefer-"

I cut her off and planted a chaste kiss on her lips before pulling back and gazing into her beautiful eyes.

"I'll text you, I promise"

She flashed a big smile and blushed at the floor. I raised her chin, kissed her on the cheek, and crawled out the window, heading back down the street to my truck. This has been a great first date.

**Reviews please my loves(:**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! I'm back with chapter 8 of **_**Let go! **_**I'm actually on time? What? Is this real life? Yes, yes it is. Enjoy and always remember to leave me some reviews (:**

***If you guys like Teen Wolf and you ship Stiles/Allison, you should go check out my story **_**Forever and Always**_**. It's experimental, but I think you guys will like it.***

**Disclaimer: I own a bunch of detention slips… But not Degrassi… **

**Clare's POV:**

I fell asleep next to my phone that night after Eli left. He did as he was promised and texted me right before he went to bed to tell me how much he wanted to see me again. He made me feel special, like I was worth talking to. Like I was worth something to someone in this world.

Bianca lay sprawled across my bed, her head resting gently in my lap. I stroked her hair gently. She has been feeling a bit better the last couple days, so we have been taking advantage of it fully and spending almost every waking moment with each other.

It's hard seeing her sick. It's hard listening to her vomit blood across the hall in the middle of the night. It makes my insides burn and twist, because there is nothing I can do to help her other than hold her hair back and hope it stops soon. I try to do as much as I can, but it's difficult to really do anything since it's not my battle to fight.

She shifted gently to her side, probably because of the pain she was experiencing due to her liver. I thought about all the memories we have made together over the past couple of years. How when we were younger, we would collect little shells from the "beach" around her lake behind her house and create hearts in the sand, or how we would have "cuddle" times when we would just lay on the floor and talk and hold each other. We did that especially when we were sad. Me and Bianca didn't need words to comfort each other, we just needed to know the other person was there.

I craned my neck to look at the alarm clock, trying to check the time without disturbing her. It was still pretty early in the morning, but I knew it wouldn't be long before Bianca would wake up for the day. She had always been an early riser, much different than I. We were different in many ways, but in many others we were just alike. We balanced each other out.

I slowly lifted her head off my lap and quickly replaced it with a pillow. Carefully, oh so carefully, I crawled off the bed and made my way out to the living room. There were bags of popcorn and chips everywhere that weren't being occupied by a soda can. I picked up some of the DVD's off the floor so they wouldn't get crushed, seeing as how they were some of my favorite. Memories of last night were still fresh in my brain, and they made a smile creep along my face. We giggled for hours, pausing the movies every once in a while to explain something we didn't understand, or to say something random that came to our mind. It was the most fun I have had in a while. I had a great time with Eli, but B will always be my number one.

I set the DVD's on the counter and pulled a pot out of the cupboard. The only thing that could make this weekend any better was some fresh, warm blueberry pancakes. I never really had a taste for them, but B loved them so much I think she could marry them and have little pancake babies.

I liked to treat Bianca to nice little surprises while she was over at my house. Her mom and dad are always pretty strict with her, which is why I think she is so rebellious. Some of the punishments they give her are just unreasonable.

I mixed the batter slowly in the bowl, making sure I would have enough to set a little aside for her whenever she came down. That was her favorite part of making pancakes. Stealing the batter when people weren't looking.

As soon as the pan heated up enough to begin cooking my little surprise, I heard a small yawn coming from behind me. I turned around to see a very tired looking dark haired girl wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito.

"Good morning soul buddy, how are you on this fine day?" I asked, trying to sound more chipper than necessary. Me and B referred to each other as soul buddies, because we had a special kind of friendship you can't really find with anyone else.

"Tired. Thanks for letting me crash her Clare bear."

I smiled at her and wrapped her up in a hug. I wished people could see past her tough exterior. She reminded me of an onion; a little difficult to peel the hard layers off of, but worth it in the end.

She grabbed the little bowl off the counter and dipped her finger in the batter while I flipped the cake I had in the pan like an expert. She smiled as wide as she could with her mouth closed and looked at me with appreciative eyes. I giggled at her excitement over something so small. She could be such a kid sometimes.

XXXXXXX

After me and B finished eating breakfast, the rest of our day was spent lounging around watching the rest of the Disney movies we didn't get to the night before. She threw up a couple more times before her mom came to get her, but it wasn't anything I didn't expect.

I sat in my room, writing in my notebook when my phone vibrated on my pillow. I picked it up and read the message, sent from the second best person in the world.

_Hey Clare _bear_, just wanted to know if you wanted to come hang at the soccer field with me for a little bit. There was something I wanted to ask you ;)_

_Eli_

I grinned like an idiot and sent him a text back, telling him to meet me there in half an hour. My room quickly became a wreck as I tore through my drawers and closet trying to find something decent to wear. Seeing that I didn't have very much time, I just threw on a pair of shorts and a blue tee-shirt with my converse and ran out the door before anyone could catch me.

The air felt good. It wasn't too cold, but I wasn't sweating like a pig. I looked at the ground, watching the small rocks on the cement pass under my feet as I made my way down the sidewalk. It smelled like roses all around the neighborhood, thanks to my neighbor's wonderful garden. I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying the feeling of being free without worry for the little time I could.

I made my way out of my block and past a couple more until I finally reached the field. I scanned it over, searching for what was really important. Nothing came into my view other than the clean cut grass and a couple stranded balls. The gate was unlocked, so I didn't have to play ninja and hop the fence again, which would have been a bit of fun I have to admit.

"Clare! Over here!"

I looked over in the direction of where my name was coming from. Eli appeared in a red shirt and some dark wash skinny jeans. He looked good in them.

He threw me a ball, which I caught with both hands before it smacked me in the forehead. He laughed a little at my terrible balance as I almost stumbled to the ground from the surprise, but caught me from behind the waste before I made a complete fool of myself.

I blushed and rolled the ball in my hands, trying to hide it with my hair. I guess Eli wasn't going to be having any of that, because he smacked the ball from my hands, giving me a challenging look before sprinting to the middle of the field. Challenge accepted.

XXXXXXX

We sat in the bleachers, panting for breath and laughing so hard we could have had six packs. I really enjoyed spending time with this boy. He had such a natural charm that was hard to find in other guys. He was gentle, but playful at the same time. He was sort of like a kitten, only bigger, and less furry.

As the laughing died down, he turned his head slightly and I could feel his eyes on me. I looked up at him and smiled a little, becoming nervous of what he was going to say, or what he was thinking.

He thought for a long time, just gazing at me with his beautiful eyes. Every so often I would become shy and break the connection, but he always touched my cheek and made me look at him again.

"Clare?"

His voice startled me. I wasn't expecting him to break the silence for a little longer.

"Y-yes?" I shifted around nervously, the butterflies in my stomach waking up again.

"I have been thinking about this for a while now. You see, there's this girl that I really like. She's got the most gorgeous cinnamon brown hair, and beautiful blue eyes. I kinda wanted to ask her out, but I'm afraid of what she'll say. I wanted to see what you thought about it."

I smiled down at my hands that were lying on my lap. Did he want to ask me out? To be his _girlfriend? _I thought about what I should say, but the only thing that could come to my mind was "go for it".

He smiled and leaned in a little closer. Our lips were almost touching when he whispered what I have been wanting to hear for so long now.

"Well, Clare, would you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?"

I blushed like mad, nodding my head slowly while I gave him the best smile I could manage to pull off. He leaned in and connected his warm lips with mine. We kissed for a long time, just enjoying being so close to each other. When he finally broke the kiss, he laced our fingers together, and walked me home. Nothing could make this weekend any better.

**So, that took me a while to write. Leave me some reviews and tell me whatcha think. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! Firstly, thank you to the lovely, lovely people who read and review this story! It completely makes my life! You guys are so amazing! I read through some of mine just now and got so excited I accidentally scratched my face. Totally worth it! *insert hand heart here* Secondly, I unfortunately won't be updating for about a week or two after I post this chapter. I have been having a lot of complications with my heart and stuff for a while, so I'm going to be seeing a couple doctors, some of which are out of town, and I am finishing up my last week of school. So, yeah, so sorry about that, but when I come back I will have lots of updates! Also, this chapter is going to be kind of short because it's kind of a fluff for next chapter, and I am super exhausted. Hope everyone still likes it though! Love you guys! Enjoy chapter 9 of **_**Let go.**_

**Disclaimer: I own a zebra bed set… But not Degrassi…**

**Eli's POV: **

I rushed around my room, scrambling to get my clothes on while I brushed my teeth at the same time. I didn't get very much sleep last night because I had spent most of it texting Clare. She is an amazingly interesting person to talk to. The way she carries herself, her interests, her goals; it all makes me love the person she's allowing me to see.

My phone on the nightstand buzzed, and Adam's picture popped up on the screen. He had been trying to call me all morning, probably because he wanted to know what the deal was with me and Clare. I'm going to tell him, but I'd rather do it in person.

My cell phone beeped, and Adam's name popped up. Patience is _definitely _not his virtue. I grabbed my belongings for school and rushed downstairs, grabbing an apple from my mother's hand and kissing her on the cheek before retrieving my keys and making my way out to the truck.

As soon as I stepped outside I was attacked by the thick stench of smoke. I scowled, thinking one of my neighbors was burning trash or something again. Living in this neighborhood can have its perks, but some things I can do without.

I opened the door to my truck and climbed in, thanking the lord that it provided some clean air to give my lungs. The phone in my pocket buzzed again, but I decided it was probably just Adam again. He must want me to pick him up for school.

I started the truck and pulled out of the drive way, taking a large bite out of my fruit at the same time. I didn't get very far before I had to pull over for a fire truck. You don't usually see them going around since it's such a small town, so it didn't bother me too much. I said a quick prayer for whoever it was going to, and made my way back down the road, thinking about Clare all the way to school.

XXXXXXX

As I walked through the halls of Degrassi, I got lots of strange looks from people passing me by. They were probably looking at me strange because the fact that I was now dating one of the most rebellious girls in school must have spread already.

I felt a huge slap on my shoulder and my locker slammed closed in front of my face.

"DUDE! WHY HAVENT YOU BEEN ANSWERING MY CALLS OR TEXTS!" Adam screamed at me. I could feel the stares from other people burning into my back. I looked up at him slowly and gave him a small smile.

"Sorry, I was in a rush bro."

Honestly, I just wasn't taking his temper tantrum seriously. He could be so over dramatic sometimes, and whatever it was probably wasn't that big a deal. I re-opened my locker and grabbed a few books from it, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone.

"Yeah, whatever, I have something really important to tell you and I think its best we talk about it outside."

I clenched my jaw, refraining myself from losing my temper. I love Adam like a brother, but he can pick the worst times to decide to tell me things. Still avoiding eye contact, I swiftly grabbed my backpack off the floor and rushed my way around him. The only thing I need to be worrying about is getting to first period so I can receive the education the law permits me to have, and to see the girl my heart permits me to love.

I heard Adam calling my name frantically behind me, and I know it may seem like I'm being a huge jerk to him right now, because really I am, but I have other things concerning me and they need my full and complete attention.

XXXXXXX

All throughout the day, I haven't seen Clare anywhere. She wasn't in first, or in study hall, and now she's not at lunch. I exhaled slowly, rubbing my forehead to try to relieve some of this worry. Her and I haven't been dating for very long, but it's not like her to ignore my texts. I looked back down at my phone, hoping her picture would be there to greet me. Sadly, it wasn't.

I glanced around the lunch room, scanning the faces to see if any of them were the one I wanted to greet. None of them were. All I saw were a bunch of kids staring back at me, giving me more strange looks and pointing their fingers while they whispered to their friends.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, and turned around to meet a short, brown eyed girl. She had a very confused expression on her face. We must have looked at each other awkwardly for what seemed like hours, but were probably just a couple minutes. She glanced back at her friends, mouthing something to them before turning back to me.

"You're Eli, right?" She asked, sounding very innocent.

I nodded my head yes, wondering where she got my name from. She smiled a little and cast her eyes down slightly.

"Sorry to hear about your girlfriend." She said in a mourning tone. She turned around to go back to her table but I grabbed her wrist quickly and turned her to face me.

"I-I'm sorry?" I asked, worry lacing my voice.

"What? You don't know?" She looked genuinely shocked.

"What? Know what!" By this point I was on the verge of hysterical. Nobody was telling me what was going on and it was scaring the like out of me.

The girl opened her mouth a few times and fiddled with her fingers for a moment. By this point everyone's eyes were on us and a lot more people were whispering. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying with all my might to contain the rage boiling up inside me. She closed her mouth and stood a little straighter, putting her hands at her side as she began to speak.

"Eli… She's in the hospital. Her house caught fire this morning. I'm so sorry."

What? Was that what Adam was trying to tell me? I became extremely dizzy, and threw up all over the floor. I heard lots of gasps and gags, but before I knew it, I was on the ground, the world slowly fading out.

**Sorry for the suckyness of this chapter. Lol, reviews my very attractive readers? **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys! I'm back! I bring you chapter 10! Thank you everyone for leaving me the wonderful reviews to come back to. It means so much to me *insert heart here* Sorry it took me ages to update. This is only going to be a short chapter because I needed it as filler for chapter 11. :/ By the way, there may or may not be some new characters appearing soon ;) Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own a checkered back pack… but not Degrassi.**

**Eli's POV:**

I woke up to the sound of the principle breaking up the huge crowd of people. My head was splitting, and I sat up slowly, afraid to look anyone in the eye. I began to remember what the mysterious girl had told me. I had never seen her in my life, and yet she changed it all in a couple of sentences.

A warm hand wrapped around my arm and lifted me gently. It was one of the teachers, helping me to a chair. They gave me a bottle of water, which I accepted immediately. My mouth was dry and my throat felt like it was on fire. I always get that feeling when I'm about to cry. I quickly gulped down the contents of the bottle, grateful for the new relief.

One of the nurses quickly checked my reflexes to make sure everything was ok and went back to her office. As soon as all the teachers departed the whispering continued again. I grabbed the sides of my head and rested my shoulders on my knees, bending my body over slightly to try to straighten out my thoughts.

As the whispering grew louder my eyes squeezed themselves tighter. I could feel their eyes boring holes into my skin. My mental limits broke and the only thing I could concentrate on was getting away from everyone. I shot up from my chair, scrambling to find my backpack. My brain was on the verge of a meltdown.

My eyes were darting all over, and finally, after what seemed like ages, they found the leather strap of my back pack. I snatched it from the evenly glossed floor and darted out of the cafeteria. The hallways seemed to stretch for miles, and the distance of the parking lot between me and my truck almost killed me.

As soon as I reached it, I collapsed onto the side of it, using the handle to keep me up. The fresh air relaxed me a bit, but I was still on edge not knowing what kind of condition Clare was in. I opened the door and hopped in, struggling to get my key to find the key hole. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a brief second, finally allowing my body to regain the ability to calm down. My car was started in a matter of seconds, and I shredded rubber getting out of the parking lot.

The steering wheel was getting harder to keep a tight grip onto. The signs I passed going down the highway became nothing more than blurry smears. I must have run four red lights on the way there.

As soon as the hospital came into view I took a close spot and sat for a minute in silence. I wiped the sweat from my eyebrow and laid my head against the steering wheel. My prayers came out short and shaky, but I repeated them over and over to myself, hoping God would hear me.

"Dear God, let her be ok."

"Don't let her be hurt, please God"

"Oh dear God, don't let her be in pain"

I must have said that 100 times before I finally got the courage to step out of the truck. My legs were shaky, and I felt as if I was going to vomit. I had to hold it down though. I was here for Clare, and I didn't need to end up in a stiff hospital bed too.

I walked the short distance to the large building, watching my feet all the way there. The place was crawling with people in scrubs and worried family members. When I reached the lobby, I could hear a baby crying somewhere. I hate the way hospitals smell. Everything I see, I'm afraid to tough. Who knows what is on these chairs. What could be lurking in the air.

I walked up to the tall desk with a petite, blonde woman sitting behind it. She looked extremely busy, typing away as fast as her fingers could go on the small keyboard. She must have felt me standing there, because she looked up at me with a small smile.

"How can I help ya?" She asked in an overly friendly voice.

"I-I'm looking for someone. Her name is Clare. Clare Edwards? She was in a fire… this morning." I choked out, barely loud enough for myself to hear.

"May I ask whose visiting?" She said

"Eli…Elijah. Goldsworthy."

The woman typed some more on her computer and looked up at me after a few seconds. She looked blank. She got up from her chair and pointed to a sign next to some elevators with numbers on them.

"You're going to take the elevator on the right to the seventh floor. She's in room 612."

I nodded my head in thanks, turning around slowly while doing so. My palms began to sweat, and my mouth became dry. Seeing her was going to be more difficult than I thought.

**Reviews please my loves.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! Oh lord it has been a while since I've updated. Once again, thank you guys for the lovely reviews and I really appreciate everyone who subscribes and favorites and all that good stuff. Honestly guys, I have been so busy lately I haven't been able to update between school and stuff but I'm back now! Sorry to keep you all waiting so long! **

**NOTICE: I might make a twitter for my fanfic fans basically updating everyone on when I'm going to be able to update, when I'm going to be releasing new stories, giving sneak peeks, etc. SO if you would like me to do that leave me a request for it in a review(: *ANONYMOUS REVIEWS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED TOO* **

**Hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! It won't be that long since I'm writing it at 1:00 in the morning on my mom's computer… which I'm not supposed to be on. So yeah…**

**Disclaimer: I own a panda trash can, but not Degrassi ._.**

**Clare's POV:**

I lay in my bed quietly, drifting in and out of a sweet slumber. My phone was still resting in my hand, and the sound of Eli's laugh bounced around my half-conscious thoughts. I was almost asleep again when an unfamiliar stench filled my nostrils. It smelled like someone was burning too much wood in the fire place, but I don't recall it being cold tonight. I shrugged it off and rolled over on my side, pulling the blanket covers over my head to block away the terrible odor.

Just as my eyes began to drift shut again, the smell found its way under the comforters. I pressed the thick pillow next to me against my face, trying once more to avoid it. It was no use. Aggravated, I got out of bed and headed for the bedroom door. The closer I got, the harder it was to breathe. I grabbed a shirt off my dresser and made my way to the exit, pushing it as close to my face as it would go.

Just before I grabbed the door knob, the smoke detectors began to blare and it didn't take me long to put two and two together. I barged into the hallway, making sure to guard my face from any possible flames with my arm. The air was thick with smoke, so I had no idea where I was going. Even though the air was black and heavy, there was no heat to accompany it. That's when I realized it must have been coming from the first level of the house.

Creeping along the wall as slow as possible, I made my way down the hall to the top foot of the stairs. I looked down and glanced towards the living room, which is the first room you enter coming into the house. Small flickers danced along the walls, and parts of the furniture were singed. I gripped the railing, not wanting to injure myself and make it impossible to get out.

"CLARE! CLARE WAKE UP! CLARE!"

My father's strangled voice came from the kitchen. My legs went into auto pilot an d I dashed down the rest of the steps as fast as they could carry me. When I got to the first level, the air was so thick with ash that it was near impossible to take a single breathe. The living room was slowly becoming engulfed in flames, and the kitchen was completely hidden from view. Burning pieces of the ceiling began to fall, and the house was becoming one big hot box slowly but surely.

I looked over at the large lazy boy chair in the far corner. My mother was sprawled across it, dangerously close to now completely flame covered couch. She wasn't moving at all.

"CLARE. CLARE… C-CALL… THE FIRE S-STATION. NOW!" My dad's command was loud enough to distract me from the other parent, but the man behind the voice was still nowhere to be found. Either way, I wasn't about to break his orders.

I dashed back up to my room, tripping over several fallen objects and receiving several burns to the bottom of my feet.

The door was still open, so I didn't have to worry about finding the handle. The smoke had already reached the entire top floor, so making my way around my room to find my cell phone was not an easy task.

I dropped to my hands and knees, trying with every ounce of power in my body to replenish it with fresh oxygen. Although I didn't find much, it gave my lungs a bit of a break.

I skimmed the floor as best I could, my hands roaming and patting everywhere for that small piece of plastic. The piece of plastic that would save our lives; but my hand never found it.

The room was beginning to spin, and an overbearing urge to vomit rushed through my body. My stomach emptied the little contents within itself onto the floor in front of me. My vision began to blur in and out, and soon I was lying on my side, gasping for breath like a fish out of water. The last thing I remember seeing was the light coming from the corner of my bed. I had no idea what it was, but soon it faded out, just like everything else. My father's voice echoed from the bottom level; faint, but still loud enough to hear. My energy had been drained, and my eyes slowly closed themselves, even through my painstaking attempts to keep them open. The last thing I heard before everything went totally black was the distant sound of a fire truck. I couldn't tell if it was coming closer or further away, but I didn't have time on my side to sort that out. My eyes slipped shut, and I slipped into darkness.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys! First off I'm so so so so sorry for abandoning my writing for so long. I had a lot of personal stuff I was dealing with but I'm ok now :D Smiles and rainbows and happy unicorns for everyone! Ok so now that I'm done being dorky I wanna say THANK YOU to all of my BEAUTIFUL readers who left me reviews and followed and stuff while I was gone. I means a LOT to me to be able to come back to that. You guys are amazing! *hugs* Had fun writing this chapter so I hope everyone likes it, but next chapter will be SO much better I promise you(: Have a beautiful day guys! **

**Disclaimer: I own panda mittens… but not Degrassi.**

**Eli's POV: **

I walked down the hallway slowly, watching the floor as if it were the most interesting thing on the planet. My thoughts raced, and my palms were sweating but they felt like ice. I couldn't tell if it was just the temperature in the hospital or my nerves, but I was beginning to shake as well.

My thoughts stopped for a second and so did I. The hallway was slightly busy, but I just froze right there in the middle of it all and stared at the numbers on the doors. None of them were the one I was looking for. The one that would lead me to Clare.

A short, red haired lady carrying a clip board walked up and tapped me on the shoulder lightly. I looked down at her blankly for a moment, then moved aside so she could get back to whatever it was she needed to do.

"Is there something you need help with, sweet heart?"

Her voice was soft and sweet. She must have seen how nervous I was. I wiped my hands on the sides of my pants and licked my lips while I stared at the floor again for a couple seconds. For some reason my mind went blank and I had no idea what to say. Everything seemed to be so difficult to understand. I shut my eyes tight and let out a long, deep breath, then looked back up at the red haired woman.

"Uh… uh yeah. Yeah I'm fine I just uh… could you tell me where room 612 is please? I-I'm a little lost…"

My voice trailed off at the end of my sentence and it never became more than a mutter. I glanced down at her I.D. tag quickly to see if I could get her name but as soon as she started talking my eyes darted to her slightly chapped lips and then her deep brown eyes, but only for a moment.

She stepped a little closer to me and pointed down the hallway towards the end where it connected to two others, making a T shape. The numbers on the doors were all color coded, so she told me to just follow the blue ones until I reached my destination.

I nodded my head as a small sign of thanks, and soon felt myself moving forward in a nervous blur. My hands found my hair, and I shook my head violently for a moment so I could snap out of whatever weird mess my mind was creating. Much to my surprise, it worked.

As I continued my walk to Clare's room, I felt myself getting more and more excited with every step I took. Soon I was walking so fast I was tripping over cords to machines that had been strewn about, and knocking over paperwork in various places. Then it finally came. The one room I was looking for.

My hand enclosed around the over sized handle, and I pushed it open slightly just in case Clare was busy or sleeping. My eyes glanced up from the floor to the bed, then made their way up to a head covered in beautiful cinnamon curls. She rolled over on her side to meet my gaze, and once again allowed me to see her pudgy face that I loved so much.

"Eli… Hey. I missed you so much!"

Her soft voice filled my ears and a sense of relief filled my body. I smiled wide and let myself into her room so I could properly greet her with a warm hug. I'm pretty sure I needed it more than I had ever needed anything.

She raised her arms off the bed and a long tube attached to the IV came up with them. There was no hesitation as I made my way into her embrace, and for a moment everything was ok. Then I remembered the fire. I shot up quickly and started checking all over her arms and head, just to make sure there was no damage as far as I could see. Her small hand wrapped around my wrist, and she looked up at me with the most amused expression plastered across her face as she giggled up at me quietly.

"Eli… I'm fine. I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

She erupted into an even bigger fit of laughter, and I had to laugh at myself a bit too. Sometimes I was just too childish for my own good. I didn't mind it though, and Clare didn't seem to either.

We talked for what seemed like forever; I cherished our conversation. We discussed the new soccer season, and our favorite teams and everything you could imagine about sports. She'd just sit and smile at me while I talked, and I always got a little nervous when she did that but she reassured me by giving me little kisses on the cheek whenever I would stop. Soon enough the nurse came in and told us that visiting hours were over, and that Clare needed to get some rest. She nodded and looked up and me with puppy dog eyes. It was obvious she wanted something, but what?

Clare reached up and grabbed me by the back of the neck, pulling me down gently and leaned in so that her soft lips were brushing against mine. He closed the space between mine and hers, and left my head spinning after she gave me the most amazing kiss I'd ever received. Her taste lingered for a moment, and finally I looked back down at her blushing face before smiling and giving her a kiss on the nose, then another on the lips. She flashed me her beautiful smile, said her goodbyes and grunted a little when the nurse came in again and finally made me leave.

It felt like I floated all the way out to my truck, and I couldn't help but run my fingers over my lips for the millionth time after my visit. Something about this girl could turn my world upside down and right side up in a matter of seconds, but I admit that I love every bit of it.

**Reviews please loves!(:**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys! Its been a while! Just when I think life is gonna slow down a little, it just speeds back up :l Anyways, I was in the writing mood tonight and I thought I'd update for you guys! I really hope you all like it. Again, I'm writing it very late at night because I have a bad habit of doing that, so please forgive any mistakes. Thank you to all my lovely readers, and extra love for my reviewers, followers, etc. It means so much to me to see what you guys think! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own Degrassi. **

**Clare's POV: **

When I awoke in the hospital, everything was silent. The blank walls gave no form of comfort, and the empty chairs before me offered no company. I was alone... again. Sometimes I would talk to myself, just to hear a familiar voice. So far the only people I've seen were the nurses and Eli, but he's only found the time to visit once. I didn't want to be here, with other people taking care of me. I wanted to be at home, locked in my room once more, where at least I could move about as I pleased.

_"Clare?" _The nurses voice filled my ears, cutting me off from my own thoughts. I looked up at her innocently, trying to look as cheerful as possible in the condition I was in. She walked over and pulled up a small stool next to my bed, holding a small clip board to her chest with papers of all colors attached to it. As soon as she settled herself on the cool leather, she looked at me with a small smile and began talking once more.

**"**_Clare, I would like to speak to you about your mother... would you be willing to listen for a moment? Its rather important." _

I nodded my head slightly, looking down at the perfectly white sheets that covered my legs and chest. I didn't want to hear about her. I had no desire to ever talk to her again, but I knew that there was something that I needed to know, whether I wanted to listen or not.

_"Good... now, when the dispatchers arrived, they were able to put out the fire and find you and your father... unfortunately..."_

She paused and took a deep breath, slowly exhaling and fixing her scrubs. I already knew what she was going to say, but I wanted her to confirm it.

_"Unfortunately, when they found your mother, it was already too late. She inhaled too much smoke and... and your mother Clare. I'm afraid she's gone. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do for you, dear?" _

Her tone was soft, and loving. She took my hand and squeezed it gently, as if to try to give me some kind of reassurance that everything was going to be alright. Nothing was going to be alright. Nothing was ever going to be alright.

The tears began to weld up in my eyes, blurring my vision slowly until they finally rolled down my cheeks. I held my breath, not making a single sound or movement. I didn't want the nurse to see me in a time of weakness. The emotions swirled endlessly, sending me through waves of confusion, despair, and anger. Somewhere I felt a tinge of happiness, but it was so subtle that it was almost unrecognizable.

How could she do this? How dare she bring me into this world, knowing damn well that she would have to raise me just to beat me and leave me by myself again. The loneliness swelled again, forcing more tears out of my eyes and onto the hospital gown. After a moment of breakage, I realized that I was still in the company of the nurse.

_"Just go..." _I said in a tone that was barely above a whisper. My throat burned from holding in all the feelings that were slowly smothering me. I didn't care though. I wasn't going to let this consume me like everything else had. She was gone. She deserved to be gone! I picked up the small vase of flowers sitting on top of the night stand next to me and threw them at the wall, watching as the pieces of glass scattered on the floor. Just like she had done so many times. The nurse rushed back into the room to see what the commotion was about, but I was already up and making my way out of the room before she could get past the shock of my actions.

_"Clare? CLARE. CLARE COME HERE. YOU CANT BE OUT OF BED YET ITS NOT SAFE." _

I ignored her warnings, blocking everything out except my own thoughts. I had no idea where I was going, but it didn't matter. Anywhere but here was where I wanted to be. Anywhere but that damned room with the empty walls and lonely chairs.

People stared at me from every direction, probably due to the fact that a girl in a hospital gown was running around barefoot muttering profanities under her breath. I paid no attention to their lingering eyes, they didn't matter to me. Suddenly a large hand enclosed my arm with a firm grip, stopping me in my tracks. It was connected to a large man wearing purple scrubs. He was tall, and from what I could tell, he was also very in shape. I struggled with every ounce of power that I had left inside of me, but he only seemed to get stronger and stronger. Soon he had both of my arms behind my back, and I just stood there, sobbing loud enough for anyone to hear.

_"Clare!"_ I heard the nurse call out my name once more, and I looked up at her weakly, allowing her to see the tears fall down my reddened face. She grabbed some tissue from a help desk and wiped my face gently, making sure that she brushed my hair to the side to get a better look at my eyes. Suddenly, she grabbed my head and cradled me in her arms, holding me to her shoulder and rocking back and forth slightly. He soft cooing filled my ear, and I slowly began to loose all ability to stand. She leaned back on the wall and slid us both to the floor gently, allowing me to rest my head in her lap while she continued to run her fingers along my hair.

The man in the purple scrubs stepped back and continued to make himself look busy. Everything around me began to slow back down, and soon my eyes reopened, allowing me to feel the full force of the head ache I'd just given myself. Nothing made sense to me anymore, but I guess nothing ever really made sense. Maybe that's just how life works. Maybe we're put here to figure things out, to put the pieces together. Then when we die, we've made something perfect for someone else.

I sat up slowly, rubbing my fingers across my eyes and looking up slowly at the nurse. Her eyes were comforting, but they were also filled with worry.

_"Clare, honey, how about we get you back to your room. Its been a long day. Maybe you need to rest for a bit, ok?" _She said sweetly. I nodded my head and allowed her to help me off the floor, looking around nervously at the people who were staring just before. They had all gone back to their business, sorting papers and helping people into their wheel chairs, like nothing had ever happened. The man in purple appeared in front of me again, and gave me a small smile, as if to say he was sorry for trapping me before. I smiled back, not wanting to hold anything against him. That was the least of my worries.

The nurse grabbed my arm and slowly led me back to my room, allowing me to take my time and get to know her a little. I learned that her name was Heather, and she had two kids. One was young, just in the second grade, and the other was a bit older, but not by much. Soon we were at my door, and Heather walked me into the room, leaving the man in the purple scrubs behind her. She led me slowly to my bed, tucking me in tightly and giving my hand one last reassuring squeeze. Her expression was soft, and I couldn't help but think about her kids. What kind of life they had with her. I was happy for them, and jealous at the same time.

She turned and walked out of the room briskly, shutting the door behind her gently and leaving me on my own once again. I took this time to stare at the ceiling, just laying there, thinking about my life. About my dad, and Eli, about everything. I had no idea what to do next. What things were going to be like, or how I was going to deal with this. I was passed the point of crying, but my eyes stilled had a strong burning sensation in them, and my face was a bit sore from wiping my tears so much. Now I was left to fiddle with my blankets, but that was enough for me.

I wished for someone to be there to keep me company, to hold me once more and to tell me that I was going to be fine. I wanted Heather to comfort me again, to make me feel like I had someone to lean on. I knew I would never have that, but it was nice to think about.

I rolled over on my side, staring at the heart monitor beside me, wondering why I didn't feel the IV come out of my arm when I rushed out of the room. Its almost as if I was numb from the pain, but it didn't matter anymore. Suddenly there was another knock at my door, and in he came. The one person I wasn't expecting...

**Tell me what ya think! And have a beautiful day!**


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